Saturday, September 17, 2011

Quote Love, Confessions, and High Anxiety!

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Kathleen Kelly: [writing to "NY152"] "Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void." 

I'm a quotes girl - no question about it.  I love them to little itty bitty pieces.  There are so many quotes in this movie that are just outstanding - mostly from Tom Hanks in my opinion.  However, when I heard this quote in You've Got Mail from Kathleen Kelly - I thought that's me.  I lead a small life.  My belief on it's wellness and value depends on a number of different variables.  I often wonder if I've been brave or just gone through the motions.  And I do wonder if it should be the other way around at times.  Should I be living the life I read about in books or see on television or even dream up in my head?  Like her, I don't really want an answer.  It's just something to consider.

So where did all this cosmic questioning come from?  Well...I've started a new book - one of my Borders Closing Sale buys.  It's a second book in a series and I'm loving it already. 

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I'm only on page 14 - but there's a reference to a small life and it made me think of You've Got Mail and Kathleen Kelly and my own small, meager life.  And maybe that's the truth of it - maybe most people's lives are small yet meaningful with value and goodness sprinkled in amongst the reality and muck.  Maybe that's the truth of it - maybe that's the truth for me.  So - I'm loving this book so far and felt the need to say it - right the heck now.  

In other news...despite being less than happy about the new fad of classics with supernatural elements, I loved this book.

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Illinois has a soft place in my heart and I'm pretty sure there are people out there that would say this book was sacrilege, however, I found it to be quite entertaining and a great read.  Far better than the previous book I read with a supernatural bent, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.  Highly acclaimed, highly recommended by friends and my favorite book club and... highly disliked by yours truly.  The truth is - I don't like reading classics.  It's plain and simple - adding zombies to the mix doesn't change my feelings in the slightest.

Moving on - I don't think I've kept my struggles the last several months a secret on this blog.  And here I am again.  It's hard to remind yourself there will be good days and bad days.  Days you can't wait to leave your house and do something fun and be with loads of people - and days you want to crawl into the fetal position in a dark, warm, safe place in your house.  And that's absolutely okay.  Sometimes I'm going to disappoint people. Sometimes I'm going to disappoint myself.  However, some days I will soar.  That's what matters in the end.  So...make the decision, suffer the consequences, but don't waste time worrying.  The people that love you understand the struggle and the people that don't will forgive you eventually.  

My mom always says, "don't let people rent space in your head for free."  It's such a hard concept to understand or even embody when you feel like you're letting people down - but taking care of yourself is the priority.  Knowing your limits is essential.  I believe I've hit mine today - and solitary journeys are all I can handle.  It is okay.  Life isn't perfect.  No one said it would be.  Just keep swimming.  There's always another opportunity tomorrow - at least I hope there is.  And the honest to God truth life is better than it's been in a decade and that's what matters - even if it is really small.  I hope everyone has a wonderful Saturday.  I think I'll be taking a solitary journey and using everything in my arsenal to deal with my high anxiety.  It is okay - just keep swimming.  Until then...

Update: I've completely given up on finishing 26 layouts.  It's just a very hard time of the year to have the energy to do a layout every evening.  However - I have regained my enthusiasm for telling my story which was which was always the main point - so score one for me.  

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