I've Been Thinking...

I've been thinking a lot about this blog of mine and moving forward.  I've hit a real low in my creative stride and am continuously contemplating my next steps.  I've tried to re-immerse myself in the things I loved when I was my higher eight year old self (reading, watching movies, creating stories, cutting my mom's catalogs to create paper dolls and building whole lives and communities, etc.) and I just feel weighted down.  I have no clue how to reconnect with that little girl.  I know a big part of the puzzle is getting rid of my bitchy inner critic and learning to play without the parameters or fear of imperfection.  I just don't know how to let it go.  So I feel stuck in this quagmire with no direct instructions on what to do next.  I know the things I've been doing aren't working.  It is one of my pet peeves to know what's not working without any hint of an idea of what might work...the story of my life it seems.  Constantly defined by the things I don't want or what doesn't work - not the things that make me happy.  How does one get to this place?  How does one get out?  There's this perfect quote that embodies my next steps...

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” 

― Howard Thurman

In just three short sentences, Mr. Thurman gets it.  I need to start asking.  I need to start questioning myself more.  What makes me come alive?  So that is the question for now.  I've finally started to carve that out in my work life - I need some help in the other far more neglected parts of my life.  I hope to be back soon with pictures of the thank you cards for my sister - done in record time I might add (less than a week).  I thought my hand might never recover.  Fortunately, a few weeks of rest and regular use of wrist splints got these hands back to their prime shape - which is honestly pretty crappy to begin with.  Anyhoo - I hope there will be more to come (fun, relatively painless, crafting and blogging - that is).  See you soon.  Have a lovely weekend.  Until then...

One Decision Down...A Thousand More to Go...

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Okay - so I'm being a little histrionic.  I don't have a thousand decisions to go - but I'm trying to take stock and make my MUST List in the next 26 days.  Not such a big deal - right?  One of the big things weighing on my mind has been this blog - should I keep it up or not?  The question I've been pondering has been whether this little spot of mine has value.  Value - what a great word to focus on for a year.  I've been reading about successful blogging and honestly it's been effing with my head.  I keep on thinking about audience, point of view, and presenting something new and innovative.  I think I've finally realized I'm not being gentle enough with myself.  I love this space.  I have a hard time keeping it going in an authentic, organic way during the school year - but it's important to me and I need to make time for it.  It doesn't have to perfect...  

I just finished The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and realized writing is a passion of mine.  Blogging is one of my passions.  I love the opportunity to express how I feel and where I'm at in my crafting journey.  It's important to ME - which gives it value.  So one decision down - blog will stay (for now).  I've already made a few face lifts.  The next 26 days will be about really nailing down what I want the focus to be on this little space of mine.  Hopefully it will include regular posts and some commentary on my foray into art journaling and mixed media.   I already have some ideas percolating for upcoming posts and am pretty excited.  So that's really it for now.  Double arm pump to Gretchen Rubin for helping me start to think about what really matters despite the ill feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Time to hit the road.  Hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday! Until then...

BTW: Be looking for posts on my favorite CHA products, online classes I'm currently taking, my reading pledge, and more.  I'm getting a little excited.   

Update...

It's been quiet here on the blog...which usually only means one thing.  There's a storm brewing in my life. The good news is that not all storms are bad...they can be refreshing, renewing, bring nourishment to a vast, dry land or life as it maybe.  With a lot of doctor's appointments, tests, and procedures both ahead and behind me...I've been thinking a lot about my word - nourish - and how I want to move forward.  So I've made a few decisions. First, I'm going to approach my word and year differently.  Although the word nourish has been on my mind every day of this year (2012) - I've decided to make it the word for my birthday year.  I've decided to re-evaluate and make a revamped MUST list for my 35th birthday - 36th year starting at the end of March.  I haven't started most of what I planned on my 2012 list and I'm not completely sure I want to...

Which brings me to the bigger issue...in the next five weeks before my birthday, I will be taking the time to re-evaluate and really think about my goals for the year.  I will also be making a plan for the future of this blog - which could include the decision to stop this little space of mine.  Despite loving it...so much...I'm not "nourishing" it in the way I originally envisioned.  My time has been taken up by a completely different pursuit - Pinterest.  And I'm not sure that's all bad.  I just need to make some decisions, do an annual review, and make plans.  There is one thing that will remain the same - the reading pledge which is plugging along in a somewhat non-organic way.  I find myself looking at the number of pages in books and the size of words wondering if it'll be a hindrance to meeting my goal - which can only mean one thing.  Houston - we have a problem.  This (my pledge) is supposed to be fun and it's time to let go of the number and remember the primary reason I did this - I want to read more.  

I must say after writing this post - the idea of not having this space is not very enticing.  I guess I have five weeks to figure it all out.  In the meantime, the blog will be on hold.  Here's hoping you have a nice month.  Until then...

My 2012 Must List

If you read Entertainment Weekly, you are more than likely familiar with their weekly MUST list column. Inspired by Karen Grunberg's amazing list of goals over the last two years, I've decided to make my own goal list for this year.  Since I'm late to the game this year - the current list is a work in progress which will be unfolding over the next few weeks.  I'm taking Karen's Reclaiming My Time class at Big Picture Classes which I hope will facilitate attaining my goals this year.  I'm also reacquainting myself with the section on list making from the book below which I highly recommend.

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As time goes on, I will be updating my list on the right sidebar.  For now, here is my current list.

2012 MUST List

Creative/Craft MUST List

1. Participate Move More, Eat Well and One Little Word 2012 classes on a monthly basis.

2. Subscribe to 1 or 2 kit clubs and live within those products each month (excluding annual CKC and stamping conventions).

Reading MUST List

1. Read 52 books this year.

2. Read 10 therapeutic books this year (counted as part of my total 52).

3. Track Reading Pledge 2012 process on Goodreads.

Writing MUST List

1. Post on blog three to four days per week.

2. Write in journal three to four days per week.

3. Publish Process of a Page/Project on blog at least once per month.

Health MUST List

1. Participate in Move More, Eat Well class regularly at Big Picture Classes.

2. Make transition to Gluten-Free diet.

3. Start swimming 2 to 3 times per week.

Home MUST List

1.  Organize and finish decorating bedroom.

2.  Start to acquire small objects which will transition my house to a home that feels more like me.

3.  Create weekly/monthly chore list and DO IT!

4.  Create gallery wall in living room.


Play MUST List

1. Go to at least one movie a month in a theater!

2. See at least one musical.

3. Visit the art museum in my city.

4. Have at least three movie days this year (3 to 4 movies in one day).

5.  Spend at least two weeks with my niece and nephew in Los Angeles.

Just one more post to go to end this New Year's Day.  Again - hope you're having a great one!  Until then...


Updated 03/05/2012: There have been a few changes around here and I'm re-evaluating my MUST list and unveiling a new list for my birthday.  I'm not going to follow the calendar year any longer.  Too many bad associations to go with the beginning of the year and resolutions.  Be looking for the new list at the end of March.